Rob Monk’s somewhat strange race report…
It was “Muppets day out” on Saturday as Jarryd Jones and James Lalor, the Muppets, took the chocolates in the scratch race at Shady Creek. To make matters worse the Muppet King, Jayman Prestige, returned to some sort of form and took third place from the hard working, honest and ultimately beaten Rob Monk.
The race began at talking pace as we all followed Kaney Wainy up the hill while he did some PE training. (Whatever that means.) He pushed a big gear up the hill faster than Monk could follow. Good to see Kane back racing with us! He must have been slumming it. His other A grade mate Stiles was assigned chaperone duties in the C grade group and we didn’t catch them till lap 2.
On lap 2 Muppet 1, Jarryd Jones, took off going up Stur’s Rd. The bunch let him go for awhile then Thommo started yelling at everyone to “@#$ing Roll Through”. We did roll through and actually needed to work pretty hard because JJ is getting stronger quickly. He’ll beat his hubbard brother soon!! Monk was getting very tired by the end of lap two when we still hadn’t caught JJ especially because Muppet 2, Jimmy Lalor, had missed every other turn during the chase.
We caught Muppet 1 at the base of the climb on lap 3. Luckily for Monk we rolled up at snail’s pace. Prestige had watched Kaney on lap one and decided to push a huge gear too. He is such a try hard. Monk should have attacked and dropped JP but he was too stuffed.
Jayman used his superior weight to break away on the decent and took off along the flats. After we all stopped laughing; “What the hell is he doing”, it was left up to Monk to chase him down. Stiles and Walker rode over to him to cheer him on. As if Prestidge needs anyone’s help to talk himself up. What he did need help with was something to make him ride a bit faster. He was caught quickly mainly due to Monk’s Yens Voigt like turns.
Muppet 2 was next to go. Lalor jumped away with 5km to go. What a joke. Jimmy is not that strong. We reeled him in with ease, once again due to the awesome power of Monk on the front with a bit of help from Trev Rollinson. Finlayson even did a few turns.
It all came down to the sprint. Kaney and Shaney had sat on for the whole race and took up a spectating role at the back.
Muppet 1 led for the whole of the last 2 km.
Muppet 2 was locked onto his wheel.
Prestige didn’t do his usual, “I’ll surprise them all and jump from 400 meters out” which Monk found very frustrating.
Muppet 1, JJ, timed the jump for home well. He jumped hard on the steeper part of the finish meaning fatboys Monk and Prestidge were immediately gapped.
Muppet 2, Lalor was annoyingly fast in the sprint too and he gapped the old blokes as well.
Jones took it out easily from Lalor. These Muppets are getting quicker which is really depressing!!
Prestidge had bludged on Monk’s wheel for the last 6km and managed to roll over him on the line taking a hollow victory over Monk and gaining third place overall. Monk was forth with Finlayson limping home in fifth.
Finlayson had a shocker after some recent good form. He was suffering the after effects of a fall during the week which he spruiked to anyone who would listen as his excuse for poor form.
Thommo’s back was stuffed so he just rolled in. Kaney and Shaney rolled along talking crap. Trev tried his guts out and came 7th.
No-one else showed up because they are all soft. The webmaster decided to stay in bed as it was wet in Melbourne, and he struggled to get out of bed early on the weekend.
We will hunt the muppets down in the crit series.